"I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed.
And all I know is that it feels like forever.
When no one ever tells you that forever,
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head."
-Stone Sour
Do you ever feel like you're looking at someone's life,
like you are looking at yourself from the past?
Or watching someone make the choices they will make,
and you let them, because you know they wouldn't listen to you anyways?
That's how I feel.
Not so much with myself as much lately,
but with my friends.
Or people I used to consider that.
Friend.
(noun).
1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; supporter.
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile.
Now don't get me wrong,
there are tons of people in my life who I've been through a lot with.
Some of them, I consider friends.
Others, friends at a distance..or ones I can handle in doses.
That sounds horrible.
But if you look deep into your life,
you do it too.
I don't have many best friends.
(This always makes me think of Even Stevens when Ren says "hasn't anyone ever told you that you can have more than one best friend?". Bah. I miss that show. Ya I said it. Don't judge.)
I can count them on one hand.
And even those few,
As I have learned in the past few years,
are subject to change.
People go through experiences that shape them.
Friends stick by their side.
I refuse to sit in my room all day.
I refuse to use others for my personal gain.
I refuse to drink my life away.
I refuse to not think about the consequences of my choices.
I refuse to let classifications define the people I associate with.
I refuse to think that the whole world owes me and I am entitled to everything.
I refuse to act like an only child.
I refuse to change myself to engage in someone's fantasy world.
I've lost friendships to people like that.
I can't do it anymore.
Those people weren't there for me.
Aren't good for me.
Don't realize they've lost me.
I called my mom from work today,
to thank her for being so tough on me.
I never realized exactly how much my parents were doing everything they could,
to prepare me,
for the real world,
for life,
until it slaps you in the face,
until you see it in yourself,
until you see it in your friends.
Everything is changing.
Seasons change.
Sometimes friends go with them.
I have a season coming to an end.
I wonder what God will bring next.
I guess I have the next 5 months to find out.
