…please help me
‘cause I’m breaking down…
…this picture’s
frozen and I can’t get out…
When I started
writing this…I was here:
I’m not good enough.
I’m not ready.
I can’t do this
anymore.
How will I deal when
the circumstances get worse?
I’m failing this
test.
He’s not ready.
Is there even a he?
I want to walk away.
Run.
Leave.
Never come back.
Is this all worth it?
After talking with
God, my mentors, and a few really close friends…I was now here:
There are no
comparisons.
Comparison is the
thief of joy.
You are wonderful.
You are beautiful.
You are loved.
You are worth
something.
Trust me.
You are a daughter of
God.
No he’s not ready,
and that’s okay.
Listen to me.
I’ve got you.
We’ll get through it
together.
These past few months
have been really hard.
REALLY. HARD.
I’ve figured out that
I will always have to be the strong one.
I don’t know how not to be.
There’s one person on the Earth currently that helps ME be strong when I
feel like I can’t handle anymore, and I thank
him everyday. I’m beyond blessed to have
him as a friend.
“The
best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain.”—Henry Wadsworth
Longfellow
I have also
been working on allowing, (for lack of better word) and believing that God can mold
me into what I think I can’t be. I know
better than to settle, in any situation, because God’s best is worth it. It just seems like sometimes it is just so
hard to get there.
Christ says
in Matthew 16:25, “For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever
loses his life for my sake will find it.”
Well, if it feels like my life is an out-of-control mess but I’m
following Jesus, I must be doing something right, right?
“It’s not up
to you to question Me, but to trust Me.”—P.C.E.
Okay
God, I’m trying.
In those
moments where I can’t handle what life is throwing at me, I’ve come to realize
that God has provided me with an amazing support system.
“God thinks highly of you no matter how
you feel about yourself.”
My Wifey.
My Cousin.
My Best
Friend.
^^^
These three
people are always there for me when I need it.
No Matter What. Countless
times. Countless more. Crying.
Screaming. Silence. Anger.
Depression.
Broken.
Completely
Broken.
Shattered
into tiny pieces all over the floor then stomped on and lit on fire broken.
Doesn’t
matter.
They’re
there.
And
everytime,
They point me
back to the Lord.
They tell me
what I need to hear.
Even if I
don’t want it.
Even if it’s 3:30
in the morning.
And I’m
beyond thankful.
This season
of my life is very different.
Very.
Full of
different.
Going deeper.
Seasons
within seasons.
Changes.
A. LOT. OF.
CHANGES.
Which is
okay.
It’s so hard.
:/
But I’m
trying.
“my
head’s under water, but I’m breathing fine..”
I’ve come to
realize that life isn’t easy.
(Elite world
thinker here everybody -_- …)
But really…
It’s not.
Because of
the path I’ve chosen.
Jesus didn’t
have it easy.
And neither
will I.
Ever.
“Perspective
doesn’t change reality, just how you view reality.”—Pastor Justin Taylor.
God is
showing me a lot:
[Stay.faithful.]
[Trust.Me.]
[Love.Me.]
[With.all.your.heart.]
[No.matter.what.]
…and because I’m
trying to stick to those things satan is:
[Making.me.feel.worthless.]
[Twisting.my.emotions.]
[Ruining.my.household.]
[Planting.seeds.of.doubt.]
[Instilling.fear.]
“Fear
is the opposite of Faith.”
Just a dream I
can’t get out of.
Physically.
Mentally.
Emotionally.
-I can’t get
out.-
Spiritually
is the only way.
“I can do all
things through Him who strengthens me.”-Philippians 4:13
God has His
timing. I have mind.
The trick is
aligning mine to His.
[With.hope.]
[With.trust.]
[With.love.]
[With.joy.]
I believe in
His timing, God will wake me up from this dream, and when He does it will be
perfect. I just need to remember that my
dream, is not a dream.
I am alive.
I am a
daughter of the Most High.
I need to
start seeing things through His perspective, His eyes.
Not mine.
“And when
they lifted up their eyes, they saw no one but Jesus only.”-Matthew 17:8
That’s
where I want my focus to be.
Choose
Joy.
