I’m sure I’m not the first person to come up with that
saying…but for now, I’m going to take credit.
(Definitely not if I can find this super awesome picture to go with
it…just saying, but that’s beside the point.)
Anywhooser, that is the conclusion I’ve been coming to about
my life lately. For the past years…geez…
lots and lots of years...I’ve been in a season of life where God is definitely
showing me a lot. A LOT. While fairly recently those seasons have
changed… I mean I guess? Yes. They have changed. In a direction I would’ve expected or wanted
necessarily? No. Well kinda. I’m not sure yet? But things are definitely changing. Can there be a season of changes? Like instead of something changes and then
the seasons change? That’s how this
season is for me…everything, EVERYTHING, changing in my life but kind of not
settled. Almost like a fall wind lifting
and swirling up all the leaves, but they haven’t finished following their path
in the wind so they haven’t settled back down yet. A windswept leaf. Yep. I
personally think that is better than feeling like a plastic bag **take that
Katy Perry**.
Either way. I’m
learning. Whether I like it or not. Most of the time in those past years I would
feel like I just wish God would press the Fast Forward button on my life…now,
although sometimes I still feel this way, I am starting to learn that He is
showing me FAITH Forward. Faith Forward
and Fast Forward…definitely not the same thing.
One you get to move forward and not deal with all the crap in between
and then be happy with the spot that you have reached, the other forces you to
face the in between and be patient with your surroundings until God sees them
fit to change. Guess which one I get to
do?……
BAHAH but really doe… no for reals. It’s actually kind of cool to see what God is
doing in my life…I just would LIKE to KNOW what He is up to. Haha.
That’s funny..I’m laughing on God’s behalf because He is just like
nope. Be patient. Anything you think you can think up for your
life that is amazing is NOTHING compared to what I have planned for you so just
wait.
______________________________________________________________________________
So I apologize in advance because my mind is running a
million miles a minute and is all over the place so just follow along with my
thought process?
1. It’s
official. I am no longer employed by CVS
Health/Pharmacy. BOOM. It was a good run. It’s the end of an era. Six and a half years later. Geez.
This job got me through a lot of school, weddings, and life
changes. Did I hate it? With everything within my being. But I most definitely learned and grown a lot
since I’ve started working there. I will
miss the people and SOME of the customers that I have come to know and love
over the years, but the cool thing with people is that you can always keep in
contact with them if you are willing to put in the effort J. I’ve learned that people are selfish, people
have bad days, everyone has a story, and that people can be really nice if they
take the time to slow down their own busy world. This establishment has taught me that adults
can either act like adults or just big kids with money and attitude, either way
you still have to be nice (a good realization for when I’m dealing with my
future career of students and parents). I
can definitely say that I have learned to be much more patient over the years
through countless hours of customer service.
I also have learned that life and hierarchy within a business
establishment is nowhere near ideal or fair.
Whether it was good or bad I can honestly say that I have learned,
grown, seen, experienced, and achieved a lot through the years I spent
there. Although I am no longer technically
employed by the company, I can promise you that CVS Barbie will make appearances
here and there ;) .
2. satan sucks.
There. I said it. I’m learning a lot lately that if I am doing
something right.. aka doing what God wants me to.. my dear old buddy satan is
NOT happy. I get this mental picture of
him throwing a temper tantrum and doing everything he can to get at me. One thing I have realized is that he has an
incredible knack for determination—he doesn’t quit. Lately I have been struggling a lot with
random insecurities that have been coming up.
I won’t be a good enough Christian, I’m not as spiritual as I need to be
(is that even a thing?), being a Proverbs 31 woman is something that is
unattainable, I’m not skinny enough, etc. It is really easy to listen to the lies that
satan is feeding you—it is difficult sometimes to have faith and accept the
words that the Lord is speaking over you.
It is easy to say things that the Lord promises you out of memory, but
sometimes it is more difficult to believe it in a time of trial. It is interesting to see how God sees you and
that perspective of your life in comparison to what you’ve been taught to
believe and what the world calls you. I
have to remember to see myself in the perspective of God’s eyes because
comparing yourself to others does nothing but have a negative impact, even in
the Christian world. My best friend said
something the other day, “we are all created for the same purpose but God has a
different plan for all of us—so why compare yourself to someone when the plan
won’t be the same as yours?” He’s
absolutely right. We all have a different
plan so comparing myself to what someone is, has, or does that I can’t or don’t
wont do anything but hurt me. I have
also been struggling with the idea… that…marriage. Ya. What.
Hahah. Hectic. But again, I guess
God has got that too right? Even if I
think He is a little bit crazy sometimes.
But that is so God---He chooses you in weakness and shapes and molds you
for more than you could have ever dreamed or expected.
3. The future’s not
ours to see. Remember that time I got
that tattooed on my body because it is 100% accurate and I STILL forgot? -_-
Everything about this season in my life is in God’s hands. For a reason.
1) because He knows better than I do 2) I don’t always need to be in
control 3) I need to learn to function in faith first. Do you know how hard/crazy/simple that is,
yet so easy to take back the control in an instant.
4. Trust. Something
that seems so simple, but it can be extremely complicated. A concept I struggle with constantly---with
valid reason. I’ve had a bunch of people
in my life prove to me that trust isn’t worth it. Don’t Trust Anyone and you won’t get
hurt. Those used to be words I lived
by. This season of my life God is
showing me not only do I need to TRUST Him, but others. How can I be ready for marriage if I don’t
trust people. Fun fact---marriage
doesn’t work without trust. Neither does
real friendship. Trust equals
vulnerability. Vulnerability is
something I don’t do well. I have
walls. I like my walls. Walls keep me safe. God doesn’t like my walls. At all.
He is NOT having it. God is
definitely showing me a lot. For
instance, it isn’t about what I want, but about what HE wants. And if I’m smart, those two desires should
align to the same ones. J He has blessed me with a best friend that I
trust more than I’ve ever trusted anyone else.
He’s pretty great. He pushes me
along and helps me to re-focus back on God when I’m being a stubborn brat. Sometimes you just need that. By learning to trust with him, God has been
opening me up to trust other people with the security that it will be okay to
do so. God has also placed me in
situations in which I have no other choice than to trust Him. Quit my job and follow your teaching career
and I will take care of your finances. Ok. Go
on the biggest interview of your life and be okay with the outcome whether it
is a job offer or not. Ok. Go back into youth ministry and be connected
at this church where you’ve been hurt before because things and YOU are different now. Ok. Learn to share the few friends that you do
have. Ok. Be strong for the people who can’t be strong
for themselves. Ok. Be patient and
faithful and I will show you the things I have planned for you. Ok.
Know that this season is going to hurt sometimes but that it is worth it
because it means you are growing in me. Ok.
You ask for Me to reveal things to
you ok, I will: This man is quite
possibly your future husband, this is what he will be called to do, this is
what you will be called to be along side him, and this is where you will be
called to live. OK. Can we just take a
minute real quick and talk about how CRAZY SCARY BUT TOTALLY AWESOME THAT
IS?!?!?! I’m still taking it in. But I am ALL IN. Scared like crazy, but I know God’s got
me. A very wise guy friend of mine once
told me to take life one thing at a time—in this situation I have a strong
feeling that he is right, so, I will. J
So, as you can see, life is pretty hectic, but it is moving
along. At God’s pace not mine haha. Which is fine—I’m all for it J I do have to say it is interesting though, I
never realized you could be nervous, excited, scared, calm, and joyful all at
the same time. Guess I have some
learning to do!
“Spirit lead me where
me faith is without borders, let me walk upon the waters wherever you would
call me. Take me deeper than my feet
could ever wander, that my faith would be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.”-Hillsong
United
